Musings over a slice of sandwich

I tried out a new recipe. Ribbon Sandwich. My rating: 2/10.

It's actually three slices of bread with three different coatings. Tomato sauce, cheese/potato and coconut chutney. What went wrong? I ran out of tomato sauce and really didn't feel its taste. The potatoes was under boiled, the coconut chutney has less lemon and more salt and finally the bread just didn't toast. Let's just say not a very good start.

But its nice to eat something different :) May be next time I will make it better. InshaAllah (God Willingly).

Apart from that my studies are going up and down and left and right. My thesis on micro finance is yet to take off while my MA studies are still at writing skills. There there is the usual vocab and maths and reading of newspapers that crowds the life of a MBA. To remain on top. There is also a sense of 'Shouldn't I start attending interviews now?' and then there is just me who wants to sit back with a good game and have a ball.

So well with such crumbled thoughts I move on. My last post was a little sensitive that warranted calls from many asking me 'What happened' and from someone thinking it was the person 'How dare you write like this' haha... well, I had a heart to heart talk with the person and all air cleared out.

Therefore, don't worry.. chill madi. :)

Negative Comments

I have been blessed enough to have had positive people around me for a long time. Last four years? Before that I had a miserable time for a year because I had chosen to be with people who gave me pain. The last four years have been peaceful. I have discovered new friendships that have given me hope and faith.

Therefore, it pushed me off completely when I encountered a negative person. Well not negative person but negative thoughts and when I got thinking, I was like - Hey! Isn't the person itself bitter and angry at it's life? Some people expect you to live your life according to how they wish. B******! When my parents have given me enough respect and confidence to go ahead and live my own life why the h*** should any other Tom, Dick and Harry tell me stuff to make me feel bad!

What hurts more is when you have been close friends and have always looked towards each other for support and kind words that lift your spirit. When such a close friend makes snide and sarcastic remarks- it pinches the heart. A total stranger could say a thousand more mean and ugly stuff but that wouldn't hurt you as much as a remark by a dear one. Then you realise that this person who adored you unconditionally has actually started judging you. Human nature, you start judging back. My judgement was not a good one. Thinking of how the person behaves with it's people and how it's boast about itself and how perfectly organised and disciplined it is. I admit, I am ashamed of myself but I can't help it. Human vibes.

Therefore, the last two days were rather miserable in the company of a sarcasm machine. I have controlled myself to avoid a showdown. Now I know what is patience! and why the person who can control his anger- the strongest. What I need to work on is my facial expression. Neutral for all hurt, pain and anger. I don't know whether this entry makes sense or is even worth putting on my blog but it's a reminder for me that one day even your best friends can turn against you. This can be due to any difference of opinion or set of believes.

It is better not to have such people in life. Life may be lonely but at least it won't be miserable. Unless ofcourse, you have the patience to endure it and listen from one ear and throw it away from the other.

I'm a Spoilt Brat!

That is the realisation and brand identity that I have dawned to. Look at me- I live independently, eat whatever I want, sleep whenever I want, work as per my whims, have my own vehicle and a good set of friends that keep me happy. My relatives pamper me with sweets and calls to see that I am OK. I on the other hand sit back, stretch my lazy back and hug my teddy! (Though I am not the teddy hugging kind of girls but you have to admit it's heart warming to have a fluffy little thing and cuddle up with it)

I watch as this world goes by- I see men and women wake up early, finish off their chores, take the morning bus or ride their way to work in the horrendous Bangalore traffic, face a day with numbers or in front of the computer ranking their heads, others shout over the counters and keep dialing only to get an irritated 'I'm not interested!' BANG! While many of my gender members are busy from dawn to dusk cleaning and cooking and again cooking. Some like it, most of them do it mundanely as though they were born as machines with only that sole program.

Therefore, I consider myself super blessed that I don't have to face any of that - not yet at least. Today I am apne maan ki malika. However, there is stress. Life without stress is unimaginable. Being thankful is default for all the good things we have in life - but stress never leaves us. Some who are very busy suffer hypo tension and some like me Hypertension. Why is life so smooth?!
I know this entry hardly makes any sense. It's not supposed to. It's a thought creeping in my mind that found its way being typed and posted. But I now truly agree with my sister- I am a spoilt brat :)

Love... is a connection

This is the definition I got from the movie 'Matrix Revolutions'. It got me thinking about love and all the people in this world who love me and whom I love. In other words all those who have connections to me and I have a connection to.

The first connection I think of is that between God and me. I believe in God and I truly love Him. I know that I am not perfect. In fact I am far from perfect. There are a thousand things about me that I can point out myself and declare I am definitely not an ideal worshipper. Yet, it is the connection. The love that keeps me, holds me, knowing no matter what I cannot imagine life without my Lord, My creator.

The second one is of my parents. To be loved unconditionally, through sickness and in health and beyond death is love given to us by our parents. Think of all the times we have caused them pain and unhappiness yet they always want us to be happy and will do anything for us. They agree to our friends, our rules, our choices... They know when we are happy or sad and sometimes when you least expect it, you get a call just to be asked 'Are you alright?' A time when you really needed them.

and so comes the connections we have with our siblings. we play, fight and may be even scream at each other but we are the first person to stand up for them when anyone ever dares to point a finger. We are the first ones to boast about their achievements. In private we may whisper to each other 'Rascal!' but then 'She's a darling' and we mean it - both of them!

Friendship- a connection where once established it's forever. Even though there may not be traffic for a long time. I read somewhere that if you have had five true friends in life, your life has been worth living.

It love, this connection that keeps people together. Had we been logical and rational, we would have been like machines. Programmed to do some tasks and to do it with perfection else we would risk being deleted. Why is it that in spite of so many hang-ups, our parents never delete us neither do our friends or professors when we submit a sub-standard assignment? A line from the movie 'A beautiful mind' where at the end of the movie when Prof. Nash wins the Nobel prize, (i don't remember the exact line) he mentions something that its in the reason of love which one cannot figure out where everything lies. That was the best moment of the movie!

What got me thinking all this? The reason that no matter how imperfect I may be, I have 'connections' that tell me despite my logical flaws that I am a wonderful machine and they wait patiently for me to realise it and to wake up to it.

I Love Mumbai!

I returned last night from my favorite vacation spot - Mumbai. I know many of you will say "What?! Mumbai? People want to get away from Mumbai. What attracts me to Mumbai is the fast life. Agree that everyday it might get on your nerves but I don't mind. I like the trains, the road side food, the shopping and marine drive. I can spend a whole day sitting at Marine drive just watching the water and the sun come down.

This time I got the chance to go to Elephanta caves. Its an hours boat ride from the Gateway of India. There is an ancient temple of Shiva Parvati with a number of Lingas. Its got it's name from the shape of a rock that resembles an elephant. There isn't much to see unless you are interested in history, mythology and archaeology. After seeing the 4-5 caves, we went for a long track to cannon hill. It's a 15 minutes climb from where you can have a good view. There is a cute toy train that gets you from the boat jetty to the caves end. Good number of stalls filled with souvenirs and restaurants that charge Rs.5-20 more. It's best to take a picnic basket and go with a whole bunch of friends and family. Enjoy the boat ride and the trekking.

On Sunday we went to Essel world and it's pretty decent. Comparing it to Wonder la of Bangalore, Wonder la has good rides. I found Essel world's rides made for the common man and not the adventurous. It offers a good experience to those who hate heights. The facilities provided are also good. The kiosks offer reasonable food at common rates. If you are not a fan of loud music that burst your ears, get out of there by 5.00 pm before the Essel World Tonite program starts. It's nothing but brain throbbing rain dancing on speakers that made me just nauseous. I can't stand loud noise and no base for me! Essel world has speakers around the park with the radio on. A drawback for those who want some peace and quite and enjoy the parks greenery but there are some spots music free.

Shopping- I got bags and bags and bags until my friends thought I had gone mad. They were good bags that I would pick in a mall at Rs.500- Rs. 1500. I was getting them dirt cheap! Besides I am lazy to shop in Bangalore. I got enough shopping to fill two bags and I am keeping put for the next two years. (Unless of course I find something again ;) Seriously, Mumbai is the place to shop especially Nakuda Mohalla near VT station. It has amazing stuff at great rates. Then there is fashion street where you can pick up good t-shirts and pants between Rs.100-250.

I also caught the movie 'Race' at Eros theater, Church gate.
No 1. I can't understand since when do directors like Abbas Mustan need to show skin to get people to watch their movie.
No 2. It's filled with songs every other minute when one just wants the story to move on
No 3. The songs are all club songs- No variety at all
No 4. The movie has enough twists to get you to say 'Enough!'
Miss this movie, it's not worth your time.

My vacation ended Jab we met style. Taxi to the station to catch my train. I had to change trains at Dadar to go to Kurla and from there to Lokmanya Tilak to catch my Coimbatore express. Dadar was filled with a sea of people and running up and down with 40kg bags made me feel like I am in the last scene of Titanic with people running around up and down. Got into a taxi and reached just on time. What can I say 'Aaj tak meri ek bhi train miss nahi huwi hain!' :)

Finally I am here, back to home sweet home. Amazing Easter vacation in Mumbai, as enchanting/exciting as ever.

THE FRIENDSHIP is...

A friend of mine requested me to write something on this topic. This is what the email said:

I would like to request something form your side which is some what critical but I know that you can do it… as you covered so many topics and focused all the things in your blog… please write on this topic: THE FRIENDSHIP …. Because I always confused with this and make the mistakes in my friends circle …….I am expecting (sorry, because u don’t like any expectation!!!)

Hint: Undoubtedly a good friend of mine who has a lot of expectations from me!

Actually, his request makes sense. What is friendship? Have we ever sat down and analysed. We claim so and so to be a friend of mine, or very good friend or best friend. How do we measure friendship? How do we grade them into so-so, friend, good friend, very good friend or best friend?

It makes me go back to my childhood. The first friend I had was Arwa in first standard. She and I were neighbours within half a km. She had a greater presence and personality. She would decide on which van we would take home, how we would spend our money, where we would go, what we would eat etc etc. I didn't mind. I liked her company. I let her make all the decisions.
Then I changed school and I didn't have a close friend till 7Th standard. Nahida's best friend Rashida had changed schools so the only other Indian she befriended was me. Soon we were like peas and carrots. Nahida at that time would stop talking on any little matter that made her angry. I told her that and I was in a way her calming factor. There was a time in 8Th standard when I knew she was in a fowl mood but I cheekily irritated her. Prompt came her "Don't ever talk to me again!" and I didn't. Until two weeks when while climbing down the stairs she smiled, blushed and told me "Alefyah I am waiting for you downstairs." We always walked home together.

Nahida went to a different high school with my other good friend Husseina. I became friends with two of my classmates: Arzeena and Husseina who also happened to be my 2nd cousin. Arzeena wasn't attached to us. She talked to me coz I guess we were indians and you have that bond with someone from the same soil. She left in 10Th but we kept in touch with her till she got married. After she got married I wrote to her a few times but she said she would never reply. Odd? I thought so. I stopped writing.

My cousin Husseina and I developed a bond. I was still in touch with Nahida and we would meet on Saturday, go round the town, to the same old stationery shops and then have cake and sugarcane juice before returning home. Mombasa is a small town with simple pleasures. My other childhood friend Husseina with whom I spent 90% of my time from 4th- 8th standard became a little distant in high school. She left the country in 10th and from then onwards there was little contact between us till recently when we discovered Internet.

I have to admit that I love my friends. I cannot live without friends. I constantly crave for a friend at all moments of life. Alhamdullilah, I have never been without a friend.

When I arrived in India, I found Shweta, Elizabeth, Anju, Rekha, Ranjana, Shibu, Arwa, Murtaza, Devendra, Sharay. I lost my friend Rahman in a bike accident. I found a friend in my Masi Rashida, in my Bhabhi Ummi.

Though these were friends I chose, I was born in a family where I had a friend in my father, my mom and sister. My father fell in love with me when I was born. He for some reason just cannot refuse me anything. My mom was my disciplinarian. It was when I reached high school that we became friends and no more mother and child. My sis and I grew close after my degree. We would sit and chat on all dimensions. We still have our differences and I am very sensitive towards any opinion that is not in favour of mine :), haha, but I value hers. If I want a reality check, I go to her.

To come back to the question posed to me: What is friendship?

Friendship has different meanings, it takes different forms, its different in nature and it differs from person to person.

a) Seasonal friendship

This one can say are most kinds of friendship. You make them because of the time and proximity. Friends in school coz you go to the same school, friends in the same boarding, in the same company or same college. Once, the time comes to leave, you leave behind your friends. Move ahead and find new ones. They again fill in for the time being and with time, get left behind.

b) Unconditional friendship

Rare to find and if you have found one- you are blessed. This friendships do not demand your attention, time or love. These friends love you for just who you are, wherever you are, whether you are in touch or not. You just need to make a call and they'd be there by your side, if not physically, spiritually. Years may go by without meeting your friend, but while crossing the zebra crossing you meet them suddenly, you forget the red signal and become excited at seeing them. You become happy and catch up on the years and when the time comes to part, you part with a smile.

c) Conditional friendship

Made with an aim or agenda. Networking with business people, social groups, the community so that you fit in, you know whose who, you know whom to go to to get your work done. You may give them a compliment but just to make them happy and keep them happy till you need them. You spend time with them, not because you want to but you have to. There isn't a genuine concern for them but there isn't a ill feeling either. It's pure business.

d) One-sided friendship

This friendship is where one friend genuinely cares, loves and admires his friend. But his friend does not feel the same for him. The admirer wants to be with his friend, he likes the way the friend talks, carries himself, his attitude etc. He feels that by being with such a friend, he will become like his friend. In other words, he just feels good being with the person.
At the back of the mind though, he knows that his friend doesn't care for him as much as he does. He may continue with this friendship but a time will come when he will expect the same kind of devotion that he has from his friend. When he does not get it, he will either turn angry, jealous or walk away. Very rare do such one-sided friendship last.

There is beautiful quote that says "Friendship is one soul in two bodies". I genuinely believe it. One cannot force themselves to be some one's friend. You automatically recognise your soul in another person. Mirror images, alter-ego's call them what you may, but there is a chemistry, a link that gives you access to the other person's thoughts and feelings without him saying a word.

All people go through all types of friendships. I have had seasonal friends, unconditional friends, I have made friends to network (which I stopped doing coz I hated it but I am told I have to if I want to build a business). I have also been in a one-sided friendship where I admired my friend so much and so dearly but unfortunately, did not get the same feeling. I know it hurts but I understand. You can't force someone to have the same level of feelings for you as you have for them.

I have been in a friendship where someone has been the one-sided friend and admired me genuinely but I for do not feel the same way for her. She also accepted it but luckily for me, she became my unconditional friend instead of walking away from me.

I have also seen jealousy in friendship. One friend does not like the friend of his friend. Jealousy is a very dirty mistress. It destroys relationships and definitely destroys friendship. People get tired of avoiding talking about a certain friend with the other friend so that he does not feel uncomfortable or plain words - jealous. In hindi if you ask me, jealousy's closes translation would be 'nazar'. to eye another in a bad way, wishing ill to them. Jealousy is a feeling that is also not controllable. It comes naturally just as love or hatred. It takes courage to curb it and not show it. In this case, its the jealous friend who becomes the villain and is soon left out. He looses his friend to the friend whom he does not like. Any friendship that has an element of jealousy is not a healthy friendship. A lot of accusations, ill-feelings and misunderstanding prop up. Remember, friends are there to make you happy. They are there to pull you up when you are down, there to guide you to the right path when you are lost. There just there. A friend is not one who makes you uncomfortable and guilty. We have our bosses and our failures to do that.

Conclusion: The Friendship is nothing but the never ending ring of two souls uniting.

"I desperately wanted a son!"

Preference for a male-child is rampant among many cultures. Pre-Islamic history records that baby girls were buried alive out of shame in Arabia.It was the Prophet (Peace be Upon Him) who stopped this cruel practice. In India, I dread to think how many million female foetuses are killed before birth and if some survive, how many of them find their way to the garbage bin. If they surpass the bin, then they have to face the gender bias of the family - the father and his mother, later on of society and once again she becomes a male-child bearing machine for her 'husband'. I would not say that such cruelty lies in every Indian family. No. Thankfully, today with education and greater understanding, the situation is improving. It's very less among the educated but unfortunately, the major chunk of the society especially the middle and lower classes, still fume inwardly at the thought of a female child.

In India, a female child for such people is a liability. The family has to clothe, feed, educated the girl decently and then face the society norm of getting her married at a very expensive dowry. It amazes me that these families are not logical enough to see that instead of giving Rs 1000000 as dowry, spend it on the child and get her the best education. She can then go ahead, earn her own bread and butter. She won't be a burden. Instead, they pay it to a 'groom' so that the daughter has a 'married' sign on her. Its another case that the marriage is more like bonded labor where she has to clean, cook and serve the husband and his family often without receiving any love or appreciation. Thus the vicious cycle repeats itself.

Today too, not only India or the surrounding Asia but traditional cultures always want a male child. In this regard, the western community wins my respect out rightly. They treat both girls and boys the same. A mother would be equally joyful for giving birth to a girl or a boy. Both have equal choices, get the same amount of love and opportunities. There isn't a dowry concept. The western christian marriage is an ideal example of how two people live together respecting and valuing each other. Both the wife and husband take care of their elderly parents. There isn't a differentiation on the girl's parents like they do here in the east. e.g.: Not going to your parent's house often. The girl's duty is now completely towards her husbands family and she should forget her parents.

According to Islam, both the female and male child are accorded equal status. Both are commanded to respect their parents and take care of them when they attain old age. In no law does it mention that after marriage the girl is exempted from taking care of her parents and should only take care of her husband's family. This is the manipulation made by man and old blind cultures. Yet, despite knowing these, many Indian Muslims still follow this backward tradition. The girls are still treated lesser than the boys.

I had heard, read and watched such people on television. Never actually met them. In Kenya where I was brought up, thankfully, we girls are brought up on the same lines as our fellow brothers. If ten of the boys have gone abroad for education, twelve girls have also gone. When I came to India, the first shocking news I got was that people whom I knew had killed their own child in their wombs. They had gone for the scan and found out it was a girl child. Another one had killed two of her children because she didn't want them. Recently, I met a prospect for marriage and he mentioned his sister was very sad at getting a third baby girl. He offered his sister to take care of her if she didn't want her daughter!! I mean what demeaning attitude! I thank Allah infinitely that I did not get a mother like that.

When a relative gave birth to a baby girl and we called up the father to give him the news, he unenthusiastically remarks 'oh its a girl huh'. The second child turned out to be a girl and they regretted having it. Now, no matter how much they show they love their daughters, the image that comes to my mind is how they reacted at their birth. What's the use? They didn't love their children unconditionally whether girl or boy but rather accepted it coz there can't change them to boys. A friend mentioned to me that her friend gave birth to a baby girl. "My friend used to ask me to pray that she gets a baby boy. She desperately wanted a boy!". "Crap!" My mind seethed inwardly. Just love the child for what she is!

One of the signs of the day of judgment is that the number of women will increase more than the number of men. At one reference, I read the ratio would be 50women:1man. When I first read that I would a little taken back. 50 women to 1 man! But then the Prophet had also mentioned other signs like:

a) Men will compete in building tall buildings- New York and all major cities

b) Distances will become small- Cars, Airplanes

c) Metals will talk - Mobiles,Telephone, TV, Radio

1400 years ago no one would have thought it would be possible just as we today, think the 50:1 ratio unimaginable. Yet, if you notice the gender statistics of the world, you can see it coming. As of now, I approximate the Female:Male ratio at 55:45, in the next decade I won't be surprised if it became 60:40.

Out of ten couples I know, seven of them have had a baby girl while three a baby boy. When I hear that a couple is expecting, my mind automatically expects that they most likely to have a baby girl. After all, it's decreed from the Almighty. Women are going to increase.

Therefore, It's high time that all the traditionalists change their mind and start treating their women folk with equal respect. Time for all fathers to stop differentiating. It's natural to treat your son roughly while your daughter with love and tenderness, but now, its time to teach your daughter some roughness. Make her strong and make her smart.

Firstly though, just love your child for whoever she/he is and thank God that He has been kind enough to give you this tiny little bundle of joy.

My Mami

Have you ever met someone whom you instantly admire and are in awe. Well I have and its none other than my Mami. My Mama's (Mom's brother) wife.

I had come to India in '89 when I was seven and it was the first time I had met her or rather remember meeting her coz she would have seen me as a baby. We had gone to Mysore to visit them. They had a beautiful house with a large lawn. We were forbidden to walk on the grass and so we used to play in the muddy kitchen garden at the back. That time my cousin Zainab was born. Today she is a beautiful teenager.

I had gone for a weekend to Mysore and that's when I actually saw my mami not as my aunt but as an individual. She is a dynamic personality. She can cook a five course meal in an hour including cleaning her kitchen spot clean. She knows how to makes the tastiest meals in the least time and effort. She reads a lot and we got time to sit and chat and she told me how she met my Mamaji. She was in her 10Th when he had come to see her. At that time, a school girl, marriage was the last thing on her mind. She told her mom that 'I don't want to marry that bhai (brother)'. My uncle however was smitten by her and used all relatives to get her to say yes. The wedding was fixed after she graduated from high school and was married at eighteen.

"When I got married, I didn't know how to cook a single dish. My mom wrote me the recipe for tea that I would at least make tea for my husband." Today my mami is one of the best cook's of our family. She and my mama make the most admired couple. They have a chemistry unlike anyone else. They are always together. My mama would be lost without her. "He wears whatever I pick. He will not shop for even a handkerchief. He stands in the shop while I select his clothes." Whenever my mama has to go for business trips, he takes my mami along.

If you'd meet my mami, she is a bundle of energy. she will narrate something mundane in such a way that it was the best adventure you had. She mingles will anyone and everyone and you just love her company. Not only is she beautiful outwardly but also a confident and successful woman. Had she been born in today's age I won't be surprised if she would have set up her own company or run a PR firm. She's that material.

Given a choice I would love to have the zeal and zest that is in my mami. She is an inspiration!

Summer's coming...

Its supposed to be spring but feels like summer and that too in Bangalore. Wonder howz Chennai. Heat rashes, sweaty clothes and the harsh sun. The good side is the taste of cool water, the promising mango season and summer fruits.

How to make the most out of your summer:

a)Drink lots of water

Water keeps your body cool. In summer one tends to loose a lot of moisture through perspiration and respiration. Water keeps you cool, cleans your system and brings a glow to your skin. Don't worry about the number of trips you need to make to the toilet.

b)Have lots of cool drinks like coconut water and fresh fruit juices.

Avoid frizzy drinks as not only do they char away your digestive system but also add a lot of calories and in turn fat on your body.

c) Wear bright pastel shades.

Dark clothes absorb heat fast.Bright reflect light and this way less heat. This keeps the hot suns blaze away from you. You not feel cool but look cool too. White, yellow, light pinks and blues. These are summers colors.

d) Go outdoors

Make the most of the summer and exercise a lot. Go jogging, running, play outdoor games like badmintion, squash, lawn tennis. The heats on and this will make your body sweat. Making all those extra kilo's drain away faster

e) Coconut oil is in

Forget your chemical moisturiser. Try something totally natural like coconut oil as your moisturiser. It makes skin soft and supple. Acts as a lubricant and keeps away the breaking skin.

f) Have light meals

With the temperature up, the body tends to be sleepy especially in the afternoons. Therefore, have light meals with more roti's than rice. This will keep you awake at school and work.

g)Have a ball

Summer's the time to go for picnic's, enjoy school vacation, and learn something new. Make the most of the vacation by being busy always instead of becoming a couch potato. Keep away summer programmes for the winter season.

Till then.. Enjoy the last days of spring.

wIFE- yOU'vE gOT tO bE rESPOSIBLE!!

I have noticed it in my family and in society:

If the husband makes a mistake -"His wife oughtta be bad. Why didn't she stop him"If the household expenses can't be met- "His wife is overspending. May God forbid we get such a wife!"If the husband's business is not running- "Hey wify, why don't you wind up your work fast and help your husband" It doesn't matter that she cooks, cleans and takes care of three children.

Why does it always happen that if the man is irresponsible, the burden falls on the wife?

I am talking a clear cut situation where it is the husband's mistake, irresponsibility or sheer laziness that gets the family into the problem and then the in-laws start attacking the poor wife, putting blame on her and responsibilities to go out and earn and handle her household!

I think in today's world, all of us are mature. Definitely, there will be trying times. When a couple embark on a new business or venture, there will be shortage of funds, road blocks and dead ends. In this case the two-person team will walk hand-in-hand and face the situation, look for ways out, bear their narrow sustenance until they hit the right door.

However, why should the delicate half pay for the irresponsible actions of her husband. What is worse is that it is the women in the family that actually go out and oppress her.
I am a big supporter of a wife helping out her husband in his business. After all, administration has always been a woman's best thing. Taking care of the accounting and administration is what women do best. As far as marketing and sales calls go, I think men are better equipped by God. There are definitely women who can market, can do sales and there will always be men who are better at admin and accounting, but on a general basis, this is how the skills have been distributed.

Men have more courage. They are rational. They are logical. They are strong.

Women are delicate. They need someone to protect them. No matter how strong a woman may be, at the end of the day she turns to a male member of her family for support, advice, and encouragement. It could be her father, her brother or her husband.

The case that I saw was that of a woman of strenght being asked to venture into the bad world because of expenses. Scared she is but she doesn't show. She won't know the first thing to do when she is out there and that makes me mad! Why ever put her in that situation?

I guess its destiny, I am trying to look at all possible positive points. Yes, she will learn. Yes, she will become smart if not smarter. Yes, she will be more as a person. She will however, loose her sweetness in this world of smart asses. She will be a jack of all trades, master of none. She will not be there for the little moments that mean the most to her children. She will cook food, not with love but out of haste, to go back to her work. She will no longer be the Queen of her home. She will no longer be there at all times when her husband comes tired from a days work.

At this point of time you might be thinking, wait, am I proposing that women should not work? Definitely not. I of course believe they have the RIGHT. Not the compulsion. The western society has got from women should have a right to work to women should work. A woman who is not working is treated as a liability. Imagine!

If that would have been the case two decades earlier, our grandfathers would not have valued our grandmothers or mothers. We have seen them loved and cherished for all they do for their family. Today however, the focus is shifting from family to materialism. Earlier, a simple lifestyle was admirable but today is the number of digits the couple credits in their bank account.

I'd like to conclude here by saying that I don't know where the world is going. At one point I would say let us value the importance of being a wife, a mother, a sister and a friend. Let us respect the conditions of women who need to work and their aspirations. One should not, however, take advantage of them, put blame and make them take responsibilities because you as a man, is irresponsible

What is an engagement?

As a Muslim child around the age of adolescence I used to see my sister and my sister's friend get proposals. I used to think it was kind of cute. Once I was a silent observer of a proposal.

It was during Moharram 1993. I was in 6th grade. That year, His Holiness Syedna Mohammed Burhanuddin had decided to do the 10 days of sermon in Mombasa, the town from where I hail. We, as the host, were into various services like health care, serving food, transportation, accommodation for all the faithful who had gathered to remember the great sacrifice of Imam Husain (A.S.)

After the 14th of Moharram, His Holiness performs nikah for a number of young couples. People from all over the world come and a mass marriage we call samu-nikah is performed. Last time in Mumbai 786 nikahs were performed! Its usually at this time that young men and their families also take the plunge to find a match and get married pronto.

I was as an eleven year old in the serving department. Usually we would serve hundreds of people before having our dinner and heading back home at around 10.00 p.m. On this occasion, I had finished my dinner and was waiting outside for my sister to join me so that we'd walk home together. I saw three young men may be in their twenty's come near where I was standing. Two of them were encouraging the third to go on and talk to the girl. The third one obviously needed the support of his friends. He was about to propose to a girl whom he may have seen and liked. I turned and saw their object of attainment. It was one of girls whom we considered very pretty. She wore her shoes and was walking away when the third guy pulled away from his group of friends and followed her. A few steps away he said "Excuse me" The girl turned politely and kept her head bowed. Out of shyness or may be she knew his intention. The boy says "My name is ______ and I am a _________ I am from ________ and I am interested in marrying you. If you're interested, please give me your father's contact and I will ask my parents to talk to your parents"

The girl, who if committed says "I'm sorry I am already committed"
And if she is not committed but does not like the man still says "I'm sorry I am already committed"
And if the girl is interested she smiles and gives her fathers number and walks away.

Isn't that the sweetest of all ways to proposing someone you happen to see and think, you know what, I think she is my life-partner?

Lots of girls, especially from the small town I hail and from the muslim community I come from still dream that a dashing pious boy will come up to them and say "Excuse me... will you marry me?"

Islamically, when you think of an engagement, it is basically an agreement between two families who decide to get their children married. They let their children meet once and talk to see if they 'click' usually a meeting can be 10 mins or 2 hours. Then there might be a second or a third but usually both families expect the two young hearts to make up their mind at the most in the 3rd meeting.

In the earlier days, engaged couples would never meet until their wedding day. They just knew "O.K. that is the person I am going to marry." No talking over the phone or going out for dinner. Today, however, the scene has changed. Engagement is half marriage and in some cases I'm afraid, full.

Engaged couples talk hours and hours over the phone, meet every weekend (with the permission of their parents), go out for dinner, visit each other if they are an out-of-town couple, chat online, email lots of non-sensical sentiments and do the wedding shopping together. Among the non-orthodox, there could even be a physical relation e.g., a hug or a kiss or...

The question to ask is... What truly is an engagement?

Is it the classic Vivah example? Of course two strangers may like each other instantly. There is a low probability but it is there. Especially when the guy is rich and handsome. The girl is from a small town, spiritual and knows how to cook. Why not? However the whole thing of no mobile in this age, no chatting, and drinking 'Jutah' water in this age did not go well with the urban youth. Small town India; yes. Men who want wives like that, yes. Women who want rich and handsome husbands who won't leave them if they are burned to coal, I suppose yes, the film will appeal to them. The city youth that I encountered though made just fun at each scene. "Muje haq hain" became the butt of jokes.

In my opinion what truly would be an ideal engagement would be where both the girl and boy maintain some distance. Or abstain from physical contact. An engagement is a period to know a little and not a lot. To wonder much and think a lot. To long for companionship but to get it in doses. A look, a glance that says 'Wow, I am going to marry her!" A smile that hides and shows the happiness of the heart. A time when one longs to be married. A time that will be looked back when old and grey and think of all the initial excitement. The partings, the little notes (in our case sms). Getting to know of two families. The first few gifts that give immense pleasure.

Yes, truly an engagement can be made memorable. But it takes two like minds. It’s always good to know something (and obvious all good) about your partner whom you are to marry. But know only little for much might not appeal you and much might lead to doubts and much might lead to break ups.

And with that... I arrive at my definition of engagement:

Engagement is nothing but a little sweetness promising a lot of happiness for a lifetime.

I got a prize!

My farewell was on thursday after my last exam. Theoretically last exam and well I didn't go. Why? Because it was in a club or a pub or whatever and sorry, its not the kind of place I'd go.

Since a child I used to wonder at the people I knew who'd go. I mean from the movies, all I have seen is skimpily dressed women, smoke, music that makes you deaf and worse.. you might be mingling with prostitutes! yikes.

So well no, as much as these western culture has come into B-School, I still belong to the old school of thought. The indian school of thought and for those who might snide me- yep the middle class mentality. I am proud to be that and I happen to be respected for my values.

It was at the farewells that they gave out prizes for outstanding students. I happen to be one who got ranks and so I am waiting here in college to collect my prize money (something in ooo's hehehe) from the Dean who is not yet here so as I patiently wait, you patiently read :)

The thesis trimester begins today. Officially. Yes, I am still hung up on microfinance and I am going to do it in that. What and where is still unsolved. I am thinking 8 hours a day is pretty good of a three month thesis. The first month I experiment, search, think and hypothise and the second month go on field and find the truth. The third month I sit and make my report stating the ultimate truth that I deem true.

And write betterment exams for my finance subjects. I just passed a few of them out of grace (a regular and dedicated student so my professors just gave me the margin marks) Now no tension, no pressure and I can study at my own pace and will.. wow.. THAT is what I like.

Hello last three months of MBA :)

Every once in a while

Every once in a while I look around and try to decipher what exactly is this world.

I mean I have lived in it for a quarter of a centuary and yet there are so many things that I do not know, do not understand.

I do not know why some people are poor and why some rich. Why some polite and why some rude. Why some who can sleep soundly at night even though they just murdered someone 'part of their job' while some can't sleep if they shouted at a cat!

I wonder many a times what I, as a person truly want.
I just realised that I contradict myself so often

I wanted X but since I couldn't get it I walked away
I did not want Y but since I was told I will have to give up Y I said hell no!
I have X and I can have Y but what I want is Z!
So now I don't know what is it that I want-> X, Y or Z?!

Confusing? It is to me. I guess the truth is: I am plain lazy. What I really want is to do nothing. Nothing at all. At least as of this moment. I just want to sit back and let the world go by and be in this vacuum where I do not know what is happening and I do not care and it in no ways affects me or my life.

But this lazy spell is a wish like that of a time machine. One wishes for it but once practically realises at the back of their minds that it is going to get them no where. No Sir!

In turn I seem to make the people who care the most about me crazy. They get confused with me and my accusations.

You forced X on me!
Ofcourse I wanted Y what do you think??!!
All I ever wanted was to be Z but you never let me be!

I might just discover a mathematical theory if I prude some more on my X Y Z...

So yes, every once in a while I think back and I just can't figure myself out.
and what life cheekily post's on my forehead is... will I ever figure myself out?

Devendra's Home in Malipur (UP)

Book Review : The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

This book was gifted by my previous roommates. "We think you will enjoy it!" I smiled and thanked them. I didn't get time to read it for a long time and finally on a three day train journey (where I read three books) I read the book that is supposedly a big seller.

The book is about a young Spanish boy who chooses to be a shepherd. He gets a strange dream about Egypt and pyramids and all and goes to North Africa to get to Eygpt. He gets looted and ends up working in a crystal shop and is about to forget about his original purpose of coming to Africa. However, he does join a caravan proceeding to Egypt and meets someone called 'The Alchemist' (The title of the book should have been 'The Shepherd Boy' rather than the Alchemist who plays a less significant character in the plot of the story)

This so called Alchemist tells him he can change himself into the wind! Imagine! At that point of time I gave a shudder of disbelief and looked at the book twice 'Should I read it completely or toss it away?' but I finished it. Skim read the whole event till he finally arrives at the pyramids to find his 'dream treasure'. The book ends with another twist.

My verdict- Excuse me? Turn yourself into the wind?!! Its a pretty good book and narrated at a steady space. The character of the Shepherd boy is nice enough to relate and the events are adventurous but what spoilt it was the whole wind episode. People say they have found inspiration in the book ( for what? becoming the sun?) I found nothing that inspired 'inspired' me that has not before inspired me. If you absolutely have nothing else to read, read it.

Glimpses of Varanasi

Gazelle Park next to the Buddha Shrine

Buddha Shrine where one of the five body parts of Buddha is buried

Excavated Buddhist Monastery

Exotic experience of rural India

My very good friend Devendra (he refuses to be called my 'best' friend coz he claims I make everyone my 'best' friend..lol) got place in i-Flex Mumbai. So I went to his home town in Uttar Pradesh. Why? Well not so much coz it was may be the last of our college days (cheeky smile :) ) but more of my dream of seeing and living in rural India and actually in a farm.

Some people truly believe in their dreams. So much that they come true

Well.. Mine did.

The house (like those hindi film choudhry houses), the acres and acres of farmland. Greenery and rice paddies. The chill of the morn, the bornfire nights were the whole family got around to warm themselves, the fresh fruits and vegetables, the yogurt and fresh milk, the rice and dhaal, what all can I say?

I even walked miles eating a cane of sugarcane with my bare teeth. (Afterwards I cunningly told Dev I had a problem with my teeth so he did all th work and gave me the fresh sugarcane to chew..lol) I even had pure sugarcane juice when the sugarcane were being crushed to make jaggery.

I saw cabbage and carrots and cucumber plans. I saw the mustard yellow colored trees and I walked through farmlands and had water from the tubewell.

Thankfully I didn't have to go to the fields to relieve myself (as my friend threatened I would have to do so coz they had no lavaratory!!) or take bath at the wells of the village. His home is pretty modern with all the facilities and of course the 'bathroom' was out in the courtyard with a wall and NO DOOR. So you had to take bath like a scardy bird hoping no one comes.

The other fantastic experience I had was of being hit by a cycle rickshaw!

We were walking in the bazaar of Ghazipur and I was on the side of the road (which is pretty narrow) looking at the shops when I hear someone screaming at me. I look ahead and in a fraction of a second see a cycle rickshaw coming straight at me, hear the sound of the wooden seat crashing with the right side of my body and being thrown backward due to the impact. My right foot was under the cycle wheel and as I fell my foot peeled itself away tearing my shoe band.

Dev was walking ahead and when he turned and saw me all down, he ran back, helped me up and made me sit on the pavement. Till that time, the culprit cycle wala had fled. Think of it! It was a hit and run accident! Wow, me in a hit and run ;)

In two minutes once I caught my breath, Dev and I started laughing. We couldn't believe it. We are half crazy anyways. We laugh at anything and everything. My friend felt bad that being his guest I met with an accident. That started a series of questions like are you ok? Shall we see a doctor? But I was fine. I was hit and my right arm was sore and my right ribs pained but it wasn't bad. I applied some pain reliever and since I was just eating and sleeping I did not feel anything.

It was when I come back to Bangalore and started cleaning my house and doing the laundry that I became almost vegetable the second day. I couldn't walk, I had chest pain and lower back pain. I was wondering was is happening to me? When I spoke all of a sudden I felt a pain in my chest and I couldn't sneeze. So that was enough to convince this 'NO HOSPITAL -HATE DOCTORS - THROW THE PILLS' person to actually go to the hospital, meet an Orthopedics and eat the pills. The diagonosis was that my right 2nd and 3rd ribs were slighly cracked and due to the work I had done, my right chest muscles were strained. I was given some pills and an ointment for muscle relief, no manual work and no lifting of weight for three works till the ribs have healed.

Alhamdullilah its now two weeks passed the visit to the doc and I am almost as good as new. But am still being careful not to use my right hand as much as I can.

I must say that being sick and helpless truly made me humble. Usually in health, we don't realise the wealth God has gifted us. I now realise and am so thankful for my recovery. Alhamdullilah.

Apart from my amazing farm trip and having a taste of North India, I am back to my usual routine.

Assignments
Plans
Reports
Submissions
Exams

My 5th term exams start second week of feb and after that my final 6th term of thesis.
Most of my classmates and batchmates are placed. Many have already started working and all are surprised at my reluctance to start off with my career.

Well I am in no hurry. I want to enjoy this period as a student. Give my very last best to my studies and then move ahead to the next phase. I would also just loved to do a complete in depth original research for my thesis. InshaAllah I have something in mind and when its finalised I will post it.

Of all things I keep realising about life, I realise one thing everytime I end a course. 'Time passes fast!' I feel it was just yesterday when I started this blog and starting writing about my 'personal' experience as an MBA student.

But Hey! Call me the 'Forever Student', for I am still a student.

Of what?

Well, meet me, graduate student of Mass Communication and Journalism, Madurai Kamraj University, 1st year.

I will be starting a new blog 'Life as a Mass Comm/Journo' pretty soon and this one will be dedicated to my articles as a student and what I feel I am learning about Journalism. It might not be as interesting as my MBA site coz its a distance programme where I have to do all the work but I am getting an organised set of books to learn a subject in a planned manner. That was what I wanted the most.

That said, I shall conclude now and get back to my research. Until next time.. Ciao!

Movie Review: Om Shanti Om (OSO)

OSO. As I start to write this review, I wonder what to write. There isn't a coherent thought that comes to my mind after seeing a rather poor version of Karz and Mayamati.

OSO is disappointing. The story line is not bad- it just isn't anything new or exceptional like stories of DDLG or KKHH which none of the audience have come across. OSO is a cut copy paste of the '70's dress style, it story is so predictable, the music does not stay with you and the performances are just above average.

OSO is the story of a junior artist (SRK) who dreams of becoming a superstar. The time is around the '70's where Jeetendra and Rajesh Khanna were the super stars. Shanti (Deepika) is the dreamy girl (oh please!) of her time. (it's a surprise that when Om is reincarnated he does not know such a successful actress existed- or for that matter even the reincarnated same face sandy does not realise she resembles a former actress- Did someone ask for reality? Not served here)

Well, the stories goes like Om saves Shanti is a film fire scene and they become friends. Once he follows her to her make up room only to overhear a conversation between Shanti and the film producer Mukesh (Arjun Rampal) that she is married to Mukesh and expecting his baby. She asks him to disclose it to the public. Mukesh on the other hand wants to marry the daughter of a big studio owner and become more powerful.

Om is devastated and one night he sees them both coming to the sets. He hides in the building where Mukesh gets Shanti and tells her that was the hall where they would marry. Om leaves after hearing this. Predictably, as soon as Om leaves, Mukesh burns the hall and leaves Shanti there locked up. Om sees the fire and rushes to save Shanti but the goons prevent him and well after much drama he dies and so does Shanti.

Om is now reborn as the son of super star Rajesh Kapoor. His dream is fulfilled as the spoilt brat of a super star who himself is a super star! ( He plays a role where he is dumb, deaf, blind, crippled AND without any arms!) He decides to go for another movie and the sets happen to be the same '70's one. He feels he recognises the burnt down sets and ....

well to cut the story short, when Om sees Mukesh now an oldie he remembers everything. Plans to make a movie 'Om Shanti Om' which shows how Mukesh killed Shanti. In comes the new Deepika as Sandy who acts like a total dumb fan of the present Om. A plot is planned to spooke Mukesh and make him confess he killed Shanti.

All I can say, the end is another version of Mayamati (Dilip Kumar, Meena Kumari)

SRK- I think he is not getting good scripts

Deepika - If she plays her cards, she could be the next DreamY Girl. Has the looks and acts well.

Shreyas- An excellent actor who does his job well which is rather short

Arjun Rampal- Nothing outstanding

Kiran - A bit of overacting in the first half but does a good job later as the old mom

Director Farah- Its her fantasy and I think she is still in her childhood. She seems not to come up with original pieces but rather makes a salad of all the movies she has seen.

My rating is 2 1/2 / 5.

If you miss this movie, it's OK. The movie is nothing great.

Dreams... What do they tell us?

All of us have dreams. Not the one about wanting to do something in life but the ones that come from no where when we are deep in our sleep. There are times when you wake up in the middle of the dream and even if you know it's time to get out of bed, you still go back to sleep just to complete your dream.

It's mysterious that when one's five senses are at rest, we actually see images and pictures- sometimes with sound and conversation. No scientist has as yet discovered why these happen. A lot of theories have been written like it's our subconscious mind or imagination that creates these pictures.

Yet, there are many stories in the holy books like the Bible and the Quran that prove that dreams have a message.

Let's take the story of Joseph. (Prophet Yusuf- Peace Be Upon Him). While he was in prison, his two cell mates saw a dream. One saw himself serving wine to his master while the other saw birds eating from his head. They told this to Joseph who interpreted their dreams for them:

1. The one who saw himself serving wine will be set free and will indeed serve his master
2. The one who saw birds eating from his head will be killed.

True to his words, the incident came to be.

Then comes the dream of the King of Egypt. He saw seven full cobs of maize and healthy cattle. He then saw seven dry cobs and thin cattle. He called his advisors and expert dream interpreters to decipher the message of his dream. His subjects were however confused with the jumbled dreams and could not make out what it meant.

That is when the man who was in prison with Joseph mentioned unto his master about Joseph and how he had interpreted his dream. Joseph was called forth in the presence of the king. The king narrated his dreams to Joseph.

"There will be seven years of healthy harvest and good cattle. Thereafter, seven years of drought will follow" Joseph further advised the king to harvest and store the crop of the first seven years and use very little so that it will last them during the drought.

The king was impressed and made Joseph in charge of the granaries. Thus, Joseph saved Egypt from the cruelty of the drought.

When looking at this piece of history, one can't help but conclude that our dreams are meant to tell us something. But, the sad part is, there is no reliable source to interpret the dreams for us. God taught Joseph the interpretation of dreams... and today, you can't trust dream tellers just as you can't trust fortune tellers. (With their green parrot and zero bulb bowl!)

I did read once that the devil also plays with us through dreams. He has the ability to create images that will disturb us. Therefore, it is advised that when one sees a bad dream, he should not tell it aloud but rather spit dryly three times on his left and say a quick prayer.

Unfortunately, fortunately even though we have guidelines and abstract knowledge-

...dreams still remain a mystery for mankind

Modes of transport in Bangalore

I got the bike's puncture repaired... Thank God for that. One is rendered immovable without a vehicle in Bangalore. There are 5 modes of transport in this city

a) Bus N Walk
b) Auto
c) Two-wheeler
d) Car
e) Walk

If you happen to be among the majority using the bus- Most of your time goes in WAITING for one. It would be unfortunate if you miss your bus by a few minutes or seconds... coz the next one passing your route will come in another 20-30 minutes.

I said Bus N walk coz you need to walk from the bus stop at least a km to where you are going. Roads are one-ways, your bus stops at the next lane stop. when you ask someone at that bus stop they say 'Nope, that bus stops further down at the next stop'. Therefore, Bus N Walk.

Auto- You need to be as lucky as a man is to be a millionaire as you are to find a good Auto. When you stop an auto to take you to your destination:

a) They shake their heads and drive away
b) They will DEMAND a fare higher than that of the meter (that they are suppose to follow)
c) They will demand extra money to COME BACK or at least to the nearest highway coz in your area, they won't get passengers!
d) If you have a tiny piece of luggage (on your way back from the next town) they demand around ten rupees extra to carry his Highness, your bag!
e) The driver may turn out to be rude and pugnacious
f) If he has no change, your money is his babe (I once paid 30/- for half a km!!- Normal rate is Rs.6/km)

Two-Wheeler- The best for any single person or those with a wife. It’s also best for college kids, working professionals. You can cut through the traffic, get past 2 ft of space.

The disadvantage - There are high chances of an accident, being hospitalized, crippled or die.

Car- Comfort surrounded by traffic. If you have all the time in the world, go by car. If you are in a hurry, a meeting in 15 minutes... forget it... hop on a bike. If you travel long distances > 30 km, good for your back (A bike will break your backbone in a week)

Be ready to struggle for parking and also PAY a min of Rs.10 for even 15 minutes of parking.

Walk- If you are few of the lucky one's to stay within the vicinity of your school, college or work place, you are blessed in Bangalore. Not only do you save time (Waiting for a bus or get an auto) but you save on transport cost. It benefits your health and keeps you in shape.

If anyone plans to work in the city for even a few months - Get your bike! It's worth the pain. Bus and Auto will eat up the time and serenity of your life.