Preference for a male-child is rampant among many cultures. Pre-Islamic history records that baby girls were buried alive out of shame in Arabia.It was the Prophet (Peace be Upon Him) who stopped this cruel practice. In India, I dread to think how many million female foetuses are killed before birth and if some survive, how many of them find their way to the garbage bin. If they surpass the bin, then they have to face the gender bias of the family - the father and his mother, later on of society and once again she becomes a male-child bearing machine for her 'husband'. I would not say that such cruelty lies in every Indian family. No. Thankfully, today with education and greater understanding, the situation is improving. It's very less among the educated but unfortunately, the major chunk of the society especially the middle and lower classes, still fume inwardly at the thought of a female child.
In India, a female child for such people is a liability. The family has to clothe, feed, educated the girl decently and then face the society norm of getting her married at a very expensive dowry. It amazes me that these families are not logical enough to see that instead of giving Rs 1000000 as dowry, spend it on the child and get her the best education. She can then go ahead, earn her own bread and butter. She won't be a burden. Instead, they pay it to a 'groom' so that the daughter has a 'married' sign on her. Its another case that the marriage is more like bonded labor where she has to clean, cook and serve the husband and his family often without receiving any love or appreciation. Thus the vicious cycle repeats itself.
Today too, not only India or the surrounding Asia but traditional cultures always want a male child. In this regard, the western community wins my respect out rightly. They treat both girls and boys the same. A mother would be equally joyful for giving birth to a girl or a boy. Both have equal choices, get the same amount of love and opportunities. There isn't a dowry concept. The western christian marriage is an ideal example of how two people live together respecting and valuing each other. Both the wife and husband take care of their elderly parents. There isn't a differentiation on the girl's parents like they do here in the east. e.g.: Not going to your parent's house often. The girl's duty is now completely towards her husbands family and she should forget her parents.
According to Islam, both the female and male child are accorded equal status. Both are commanded to respect their parents and take care of them when they attain old age. In no law does it mention that after marriage the girl is exempted from taking care of her parents and should only take care of her husband's family. This is the manipulation made by man and old blind cultures. Yet, despite knowing these, many Indian Muslims still follow this backward tradition. The girls are still treated lesser than the boys.
I had heard, read and watched such people on television. Never actually met them. In Kenya where I was brought up, thankfully, we girls are brought up on the same lines as our fellow brothers. If ten of the boys have gone abroad for education, twelve girls have also gone. When I came to India, the first shocking news I got was that people whom I knew had killed their own child in their wombs. They had gone for the scan and found out it was a girl child. Another one had killed two of her children because she didn't want them. Recently, I met a prospect for marriage and he mentioned his sister was very sad at getting a third baby girl. He offered his sister to take care of her if she didn't want her daughter!! I mean what demeaning attitude! I thank Allah infinitely that I did not get a mother like that.
When a relative gave birth to a baby girl and we called up the father to give him the news, he unenthusiastically remarks 'oh its a girl huh'. The second child turned out to be a girl and they regretted having it. Now, no matter how much they show they love their daughters, the image that comes to my mind is how they reacted at their birth. What's the use? They didn't love their children unconditionally whether girl or boy but rather accepted it coz there can't change them to boys. A friend mentioned to me that her friend gave birth to a baby girl. "My friend used to ask me to pray that she gets a baby boy. She desperately wanted a boy!". "Crap!" My mind seethed inwardly. Just love the child for what she is!
One of the signs of the day of judgment is that the number of women will increase more than the number of men. At one reference, I read the ratio would be 50women:1man. When I first read that I would a little taken back. 50 women to 1 man! But then the Prophet had also mentioned other signs like:
a) Men will compete in building tall buildings- New York and all major cities
b) Distances will become small- Cars, Airplanes
c) Metals will talk - Mobiles,Telephone, TV, Radio
1400 years ago no one would have thought it would be possible just as we today, think the 50:1 ratio unimaginable. Yet, if you notice the gender statistics of the world, you can see it coming. As of now, I approximate the Female:Male ratio at 55:45, in the next decade I won't be surprised if it became 60:40.
Out of ten couples I know, seven of them have had a baby girl while three a baby boy. When I hear that a couple is expecting, my mind automatically expects that they most likely to have a baby girl. After all, it's decreed from the Almighty. Women are going to increase.
Therefore, It's high time that all the traditionalists change their mind and start treating their women folk with equal respect. Time for all fathers to stop differentiating. It's natural to treat your son roughly while your daughter with love and tenderness, but now, its time to teach your daughter some roughness. Make her strong and make her smart.
Firstly though, just love your child for whoever she/he is and thank God that He has been kind enough to give you this tiny little bundle of joy.
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