If there was a fairy and she was to grant me a wish, I'd ask her - "Make me study". Honestly, seriously that is the only thing I want. I want to study. I want to study 12-16 hours a day and learn so much. There is so much in the world to know, to understand, to appreciate and to write about (especially in exams!!)
As you might have guessed, I returned from my exam and what do I say? I am not sad that I won't get through but I haven't done to my best (Get through(pass mark) has never ever been in my vocabulary. It's always 80% and above.) Why?
I don't know.
At one end I fight my 'switch off' mood that comes to me like an enemy just before my exams. I would have worked on a paper the whole trimester religiously but at the end moment, when all I have to do is revise - Bang. The electric current of my brain switches off.
I am honestly tired, angry, and frustrated at myself. It's ok if it happens once and you learn how to handle it but in my case it's a repetitive pattern that I just don't know how to break it.
As of now, while typing this, I realised that the only way to avoid complete black out is to be with my friends and study partner. Even if my mind goes 'Stop', they'll be there to push some bit of information here and there and who knows? I might just achieve my target.
Somewhere I read - United we stand, Divided we fall - so now I'm going into a united strategic alliance with my classmates. I no longer trust my own resources and capabilities. My core compentency will take off when I sign a joint venture, even though I might be the stronger company but I need a partner who back up power for the exams.
2 comments:
Never mind what's already happened, sis. I'm sure that with an attitude like that Inshalla hyou will surely succeed.
Mustafa- Thank u so much for ur words of encouragement. InshaAllah I will do my best for the remaining papers. Please pray for me!
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